Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Do you have that person that you can tell anything in the entire world to and they still love you the same no matter what you say?  They listen to your every word like it could be the last thing you say.  They are willing to risk it all to make sure you are happy.  Then one day... they are gone.
The choice was my own to finish it, but I have hit a stage where I am beginning to regret it. I just want to sit and talk with you about the things that no one else can know like we used to.  I regret leaving you behind since you were one of the few things I had left.  Instead of trying to get you back in my life like I want to do, I choose to leave everything behind.  I have decided to give up all that I have and turn to someone bigger than the two of us to lead my life.
Who knows?  Maybe one day he will lead me back to you, but right now, unless you want to swim in a heart that is sinking, I need to simply get you out of my mind.
I wish you every happiness, but I will be miles away somewhere out there.  The universe will keep us separated until we are meant to see each other on the right terms.  
I guess Neil Sedaka said it with, "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do".

Just Know That You Are Not Alone.

Little blessings come into each and every one of our lives.  Let's take note and be thankful.  You never know how much these gifts mean until they are gone.  I am thankful for all that I have been given.  Each and every thing in my life has given my life a purpose.

Winter

The first day of winter semester at BYU began today. Emotionally, it went smoothly after a wonderful therapy session from my dear friend, Brandon. He claims that he has the personality of a "healer" as he can calm those with the hardest trials.  I completely agree with this as he definitely listened and calmed me down last night.  Zero degree temperatures were the surroundings that I walked to school in today.  It was so cold that my phone shut down.  By the end of the day, it was up and working again, but it took at least six hours to start up.  Hopefully tomorrow will warm up whether it is the weather... or my heart.  I hope to find the rainbow after my storm soon enough.

Alone.

I fell in love again
All things go, all things go
I made a lot of mistakes
In my mind, in my mind

If I was crying
In the van, with my friend
It was for freedom
From myself and from the land

I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

All things go, all things go

My Life at the Present Moment

"Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens." - Carrie Bradshaw

My entire life, I have focused on keeping track of every moment and having everything set on a precise schedule.  I was never confused or unprepared at what was to come.  Now, I have no idea what the next year will bring.  I have personal goals to accomplish, but my main goal is to stop looking at everything so closely and stop trying to figure out my life through having control every moment.  I will accept what others give me with open hands.  If something is meant to happen, it will happen.  I have decided to take on the "Eat, Pray, Love" scenario and spend the next three years trying to figure out my life and who I am before jumping into settling down into an unhappy place where I do not appreciate the gifts I have been given.  I will spend a year of prayer in a location that is unknown to me at the present moment.  I will be assigned my destination by an individual that I deeply respect.  After this adventure, I will determine the location I want to "eat" at.  This eating may be a mental feast on words or knowledge and not a feast of physical foods.  Finally, I will find a place of "Love".  Only one knows where this will lead my life, but I know that I will have a greater understanding of myself through this.  I have begun to say good-bye to those who mean the most to me and plan on leaving everything behind as I enter a new world.  I hope to record my adventures here and can't wait to see the observations I find.  I am so blessed and thankful for everyone who is willing to help me make this possible.  Let the future come forward! I am ready.

I told you that I love you.

Mr. Blue, 
I told you that I love you 
Please believe me 

Mr. Blue, 
I have to go now, darling 
Don't be angry 

I know that you're tired 
Know that you're sore and sick and sad for some reason 
So I leave you with a smile 
Kiss you on the cheek 
and you will call it treason 

That's the way it goes some days 
A fever comes at you without a warning 
And I can see it in your face 
You've been waiting to break since you woke up this morning 

Mr. Blue, 
Don't hold your head so low 
That you can't see the sky 

Mr. Blue, 
It ain't so long since you were flying high 

Mr. Blue, 
I told you that I love you 
Please believe me

Soul Mates

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master.

Nothing is Impossible. The word itself says, "I'm possible!"

Audrey Hepburn stated, "Nothing is impossible.  The word itself says, "I'm Possible!"  As much as I love the idea of this, I feel that maybe our relationship really is the impossible.  There is no way that we could ever, would ever, should ever be together.  This has been a very hard thing for me to understand.  Now, it is time for me to escape and move on to something new that can show me the impossible really is possible.

What do I think?

I think you are the only person that I have ever been close to loving....

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

That was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

All I can tell myself is
Live through this, and you won't look back...
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...

Make You Feel My Love

This song defines us and how we would take care of each other as the night stars would appear.  These memories will never fade away for me.

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love

I broke.

After deciding that I would not allow myself to communicate with him no matter what, my phone began buzzing with texts and calls from him to spend time together.  I went a whole sixteen hours staring at my phone and refusing to respond until temptation pulled me in.  After calling him, an immediate response came and we planned on meeting together last night.  We spent a good time together, but there was the idea hovering above both our heads that we had less than a week left of this before he and I would separate to go on different paths.  This thought scared him as much as me I believe.  We had been through so much.
Our paths may never cross again, but neither of us want that to be the case as was shown last night when we were talking about seeing each other in our futures.  I do not know if things will ever be the same between us after this summer, but I do know this has been a defining chapter in my life.  He has helped push me forward onto life.  The closing of this life chapter may be hard, but I know that I have the rest of my book to finish writing.  The best has yet to come.  I can only wait to see what God has in store for me.  

Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.

If it is meant to be, it will be.

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. Be You.

Lonely.

The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely.


It’s probably not just by chance that I’m alone. It would be very hard for a man to live with me, unless he’s terribly strong. And if he’s stronger than I’m the one who can’t live with him.  I’m neither smart nor stupid, but I don’t think I’m a run-of-the-mill person. I’ve been in business without being a businesswoman, I’ve loved without being a woman made only for love. The two men I’ve loved, I think, will remember me, on earth or in heaven, because men always remember a woman who caused them concern and uneasiness. I’ve done my best, in regard to people and to life, without precepts, but with a taste for justice.

Always Remember

 

If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.

Marriage

“You know it's never fifty-fifty in a marriage. It's always seventy-thirty, or sixty-forty. Someone falls in love first. Someone puts someone else up on a pedestal. Someone works very hard to keep things rolling smoothly; someone else sails along for the ride.” 

Is bigger and better worth it?

Isn't it funny when things start working out exactly how you wanted them to, but it no longer matters because you have moved on to something bigger and better? Somedays, I really miss the thing that was smaller and not as important though because it meant so much to me at one time.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."

I want to be married someday to my best friend.  I want to spend every minute together.  I want to live life with him and only him.