The Lioness

People will always say what pleases them; no matter who it hurts.  I have especially found this true in the preceding forty eight hours.  I am so blessed to have friends that I can count on to be there for me.  Not very many people are willing to do that.  Yesterday, on Christmas Eve, I had a lovely time shopping and chatting with my darling friend Katie.  She is honestly one of the most beautiful girls I know and has such a sweet spirit.  We were able to find so many great gifts for our families.
Late last night (Christmas Eve), I received one of my biggest gifts.  The truth.  I have learned to realize that gifts are not always good things or bad things and they can cause you to have deeper struggles than you would without them, yet they will bless you in the long run.  I feel that God's trials for each of us are gifts that we will someday look back on and be happy we had to experience them.  The truth I received last night was somewhat surprising, yet explained a lot of things I needed to know and explained how I can make my life better.  I obviously have struggles and am not always perfect, but I am trying my best and that is all that matters.  If you aren't willing to accept that, move on and leave me alone.  Do not think that since I made a mistake, you have the right to make me feel inferior.
I love the idea of lionesses.  They are so proud and strong no matter what comes across them.  Many people say I am like a lion and nothing will ever be able to bring me down.  Well, I am here to tell you today that I do drop down and feel like the size of a small ant.  I have people who make it their life goal to see me suffer and sometimes they win the battle although I try to hide my hurt through walls of radiance.  I am clearly not the most beautiful nor smartest and I am not a cheerleader nor have everyone falling at my feet to worship me, but I am still a person.  Lionesses carry themselves and others through storms, but I am sure at some point in their lives they break.  They wonder if it is all worth it.  God will show them there is a purpose for them and their trials and the storm will carry on leaving you alone with a ray of sunshine.
One of my favorite quotes by Marilyn Monroe states, "I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell do not deserve me at my best."  I know I am crazy.  I know the illnesses and problems I have been given.  I know I can be selfish.  But, I also know someday those who doubted or ever gave up on me will be wishing they stuck to it for a little longer because the worst of me will come to an end and I will be perfect.  Then people will regret their decisions to be against me and the way I handle myself.

Marilyn Monroe